The Romantic Rebel

The Problem Receiver

2009-07-11T06:04:00.000-07:00

“You can act like a man! [slap] What's the matter with you?, [slap] What's the matter with you? Is this what you've become, a Hollywood finocchio who cries like a woman? "Oh, what do I do? What do I do?" What is that nonsense? Ridiculous!”- Don Corleone (The Godfather)

I came across a question of whether or not one has always been there for his or her friends. In my case I’ll definitely say yes to that question. I believe that I’ve always been there for all of my friends. If they wanted me to do something, I did it. I’ve always been nice to them, took care of them when they are unwell and supported in every decision they made. I constantly listen to all their troubles and failures in life.

However, I thought to myself that even though that sounds nice, I am the one being hurt and forced down. I can’t stand it anymore. From now on, I will try my best to stop being the emotional garbage truck. I believe that when my friends see me they saw someone who can divulge all their feelings with. Though they may feel good about themselves after that, I am the one who end up bearing all their problems especially since I am a highly emotional and moody person.

I have to stand up for myself from now on. It’s good that my friends can reveal to me all their mishaps and problems but we shouldn’t focus all our conversations on it. Furthermore, I agree with the advice that Don Corleone gave to Johnny Fontane (above quotation). If one of my friends called me again at midnight to ask me why her girlfriend isn’t answering his calls? I say he should be a man and stop crying all over it. I should tell them to stop thinking too much about that little situation. Also, all that weeping will not solve anything.

- Frances

Birthday Dream

2009-06-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

I had a rather unique but normal dream last night. I was at home celebrating my birthday. The guests were my relatives and family friends. After some time some of my friends arrives. It is kind of weird since I don’t know the names of some of them. I told them to sit in the garage chairs because the living room and dining room was already filled with visitors. I then served them with food that I got from the dining table. Soon after that, I began to realize that the food is lacking because more and more of my friends are arriving. It came to a point when there is only one whole chicken and turkey to serve. I only serve the chicken because there was I think that told me that it should not be served for the guest. After that, I noticed my sister standing in front of my friends. She is standing in front of my friends. She started saying the names of my friends and one by one the person whose name is called stood up or raised his or her hand. It came to me as a surprise since my sister knows their names. I ironically being their friend don’t know the names of most of my guests. I believe I met them somewhere but I cannot remember. After which I whispered in my sister’s ear. I whispered the names of those whom I know. I woke up after that.

I decided to write this dream down since in the past, most of my dreams are always beyond reality. It is always full of fantasy, sci-fi, horror and out of this world adventure. What I think this dream is telling me is that I should celebrate my birthday with my friends. For the past five years, I never enjoyed and celebrated my birthday. Furthermore, it is true that I know a lot of people when I was in college but I cannot remember their names anymore. I still remember their faces but not their names. I really should pay attention when people introduce themselves to me.

Misinterpreting the rules: A Guide to Cheating Part I

2009-05-30T04:25:00.000-07:00

“I misinterpreted the rules.” – Eric Cartman

Having a hard time with those terrible quizzes, nightmare mid-terms, and those finals from hell? Studying hard but still failing? Well you have come to the right place.

- When you want to look at your seatmate's answers, just make it simple and do it quick. (This may sound like a bit too cliché but cheating is serious business and you will really have to face terrible consequences once you are caught.)

- Wear dark tinted sunglasses or shades in order to conceal your eye. Shades are very effective. You can use your eyes to look at your seatmate's papers without getting caught. If you are asked why you are wearing shades tell the professor that you have a black eye. It’s easy to have a black eye. Just punch your eye real hard!

- Practice at home on how you can become a Master on fast reading and handwriting recognition. It's very useful on those fags who wouldn't want to share their wrong answers.

- Know the classroom or place where you will have an exam so that your cheating techniques will become more effective making the chances of you getting caught lowered. This means that you can pick your seat carefully. Try to select the seats which the teacher hardly notices.

- Make it look like your not having a hard time on the exam. Pretend that the test is easy and you find it enjoyable even though it is total nightmare from hell. Tense people get more suspicion.

- If scientific calculators are allowed then program all the formulas in them. If the teacher resets them before the exam, have some back up calculator. Bring at least two formula programmed calculators just in case.

- Creating a cheat sheet is one of the best methods of cheating because it is so easy to make and you might even get a perfect score if pulled it off. But the risks are much higher. For one, it will be hard to justify why you are in possession of a cheat sheet.

- If your seatmate is your friend then invent silly but effective signs on communicating answers. Like, middle finger means letter A, eating your own hair means B and so on.

- Exam proctors usually don't allow their students to go out and take a leak. But there are those who let their students to go out. If not convince them that you have a cancer and if you don't let take a leak, argue that it will worsen. If you manage to get out, ask everyone you meet in the aisle and restroom about the answers except to the principal.

- Always asked the teacher if eating is allowed. If allowed, write answers in the food labels. Write answers on chewing gum and if the teacher notices you, swallow it immediately.

- Ask a question and the professor might actually give you a clue or accidentally give you the answer. Also by walking up to his desk, you can take a peek at the answer key or even at the papers of those who have submitted early.

- Last but not the least, when you are caught you only have to do one thing: Deny. The best cheaters are those who are never seen, heard nor admitted cheating.

Strange Dream

2009-05-26T00:08:00.000-07:00

"Be sure to get what you like, or else you will have to like what you get." - George Bernard Shaw

I had a strange dream last night. Well it’s not that strange as compared to my previous dreams but I feel that this dream is trying to tell me something so I decided to write it down.

In the dream I remembered entering a classroom in my college. Once inside, I found out that the professor was one of my college classmates and the same with two of his students.

It was already in the middle of the class session when I arrived in the room. I noticed it was a math class because of all the computations in the board. I then proceeded to talked to my two previous college classmates. One of them told me that they are taking up aviation or something like that. They told me they want to become an airplane pilot in the future. I was surprised that they decided to take that major since it is totally different from what they took up in college. They ask me what I am doing here and informed them that I was just sitting in and not actually studying in the university. I added that I still have no job and am currently looking to take up a master’s degree.

After the conversation I recalled we got out of the room and into what looks like the former front yard of my house. From the looks of it, it was the time and place when my neighbours still haven’t reclaimed their share of our land. The students told me that they go to this place during their break. Later on, the dreams became more indistinct. I forgot some parts of it particularly the parts towards the end.

I think the dream is trying to tell me that I need to finally get my life back on track. Like get a job, go out and socialize and finally think of what I intend to do with the rest of my life.

20 Things to do with a Gum

2009-05-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

1. Stick it on other person’s hair

2. Make a song about the good times you have with it

3. Put it on a blind man's guitar strings

4. Try to stick it on the hole of your penis while urinating

5. Chew a ton gum and use it to cover your asshole while laughing

6. Try the method above when having diarrhoea

7. Use it to cover the tailpipe of your enemy's car

8. Hungry? Swallow it.

9. Use it to cover the holes of your bicycle tires

10. You can also use it to cover holes in your car's tires

11. Use it as a substitute for a bandage

12. Stick it on the pussies and tits of the models of your enemies’ playboy magazines and watch them put all their effort trying to remove it

13. Have a handshake with it as if it’s a long lost friend

14. Use it to cover "all" the holes on your face and see what happens

15. Give your chewed gum to children and tell them that if they eat it, they will become Harry Potter.

16. Give your chewed gum to adults and tell them that if they eat it, they will become Arnold Schwarzenegger.

17. Give it to Harry Potter and tell him that if he eats it, he will become Arnold Schwarzenegger.

18. Stick it on the back of your enemies’ car steering wheel

19. Make a catapult and use it as ammo. Excellent on concert and movies

20. Try collecting a billion of them and make a big chewing gum monster and tell him to challenge Godzilla.

*I wrote this around 5 years ago. Good times...

May 18

2009-05-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

"The most courageous act is to still think for yourself. Aloud." - Coco Chanel

I just feel so lonely right now. Not as worse as last week but I still experience a deep feeling of emptiness. I wish I can play my violin right now but it is already midnight and I might wake up the neighbors with my awful playing. It’s been months since I last took a lesson because I cannot anymore pay my teacher due to me not earning enough money as of the moment.

I have a confession to make. I like the girl who invited me to prom when I was still a senior. She was cute and she had a black hair that reaches her shoulders. She was pissed when I said I was too cool for prom. Her face literally was filled with regret after she heard my voice. I remember my friends asking me why I wouldn’t go. It’s because I am afraid. I am afraid that the girl just invited me because she had no partner and is there a girl who would like to miss one of the best days of her life? But don’t worry she did end up with someone.

Yeah, I am always too cool. I recall someone I knew in college say to me that I am the coolest person on earth. Oh Frances, why do you always have to act all cool and shit? All calm and always in control. Why can’t you say to someone that you totally regret half of the decisions you made in your life? You smile all the time when they give you shit, when they give you all these bullcrap that is totally not true. Yet you cry when you are alone in the bathroom and in your bedroom. You gave speeches of advice and inspiration even though you’re life is totally fucked up. Stop acting and show me your true emotions!

They are still friends. My high school friends and their dates during our senior prom, they are still friends even though its six years ago. I hope I had made the right decision then. Oh why do I hate myself so much?

Untalented Virtuoso

2009-05-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

“I must continue to follow the path I take now. If I do nothing, if I study nothing, if I cease searching, then, woe is me, I am lost. That is how I look at it– keep going, keep going come what may.” - Vincent Van Gogh

I don’t like it when somebody tells me that all the geniuses, artists, leaders and successful people in this world are born with an extraordinary talent. It’s simply because I don’t believe that they achieve it because they are born with a gift. So some of you might tell me what about those child wonders? Well, I think they became child wonders because they practice, practice and practice. The seven years old who can play a Paganini on his violin, he practice every single day of his life ever since he was three years old. He had a good teacher and he had the passion to become a great violinist when he grows up. It is not because his parents are both violinists and their family is full of naturally talented musicians. The parents can influence the child to play but it is still up to the child whether he will strive hard in playing the violin.

For me, the best way to improve talent is through hard work. Saying that somebody’s talent is God given is like ignoring his struggles to achieve his mastery in his craft. Leonardo da Vinci will never become one of the greatest artists if he didn’t draw. Current number one pound-for-pound boxer in the world, Manny Pacquiao will never overcome his bigger and stronger enemies if he didn’t train and condition himself before every fight. The same goes with Michael Jordan who is said to be the greatest basketball player of all time.

One’s success, fame and greatness are rarely attained using inborn talent alone. It happens due to one’s perseverance, passion and willingness to overcome all the odds to achieve all of his or her goals.

Getting it off my chest

2009-05-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

“Ignorance is, as always, bliss.”

Some people are used to watching the news before they go to bed. Well, I never liked knowing any news at all. I don’t want to spend some time listening to a monotonic voice talking about some issue, problem, crisis etc. in another place I don’t even know. The sound of the television or the radio, it annoys me. But what really irritates me is when I can hear the voice clearly. When I hear of calamities, murders, deaths etc. it makes my day more miserable than it was. Even though I don’t know the person involve I feel sorry for them and their relatives. I guess that it is true that I am really a soft-hearted person.

For this reason I would like to stay uninformed. Just like all the people who know me, they are uninformed about my situation, what I am feeling on the inside. They see me as a cheerful, strong and cool man who can always serve as an inspiration. I never exactly hated to fill that part but someday they need to know. They will discover the true me, a man without the smiling façade. I don’t know what will happen when they know that I am totally different from what they are used to. Maybe they’ll get mad at me because I always kept to myself but they will never understand.

I am not a strong and calm person. I am weak and tired of this life. I even cry myself to sleep. But I don’t want to be weak anymore. I want to be strong just like anybody else.

-Frances

My Unexpected Decision

2009-05-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

“That life, even when difficult and painful is a gift. That love is priceless, and rare, and precious. That every good action, every good though, counts. And that a single person can make a difference, can change the world, if she puts her mind to it, if she believes in herself and the people who believe in her.” - quoted from The Longest Journey

I am not really in the mood to be doing this right now but hey, this is my first entry after all so I have to set the tone level to the warm and welcoming zone. Anyway, I started this blog because it's been months since I've been around the people I used to meet everyday. I haven't seriously talked to anyone for the past four to five months and I believe my depression will just worsen if I don't let express my feelings even though it is through writing. Furthermore, in connection to what I quoted from one of my favorite games, I decided to create a blog to show myself that I am rather capable of doing something worthwhile. So as to show that I can at least produce something which I can be proud of. I also always feel that I am not going anywhere. Hopefully, this can serve as a memoir of the things I have done or experienced in the past.

I wish that I will be able to update this from time to time. I'm not really a person who likes putting his thoughts and days into words but I guess this can definitely help me on the problems I am facing right now.